Stay
by hashtagartistlife
Summary: In which everyone is just a little bit terrible. Canon-compliant [Ichiruki]. [warnings: adultery]


**Written for a tumblr prompt + pairing meme. The prompt was "You don't have to stay". 686 compliant Ichiruki, adultery. You have been warned.**

* * *

 **Stay**

by _hashtagartistlife_

"You don't have to stay."

Moonlight spills across the sheets like liquid silver. From the dark side of the bed, Rukia's eyes trace over Ichigo's silhouette, limned by the dim white glow from the windows.

"What if I want to stay?"

She laughs, short and mirthless. "Allow me to rephrase. You _shouldn't_ stay."

"Have I ever cared about what I should and shouldn't do?"

Rukia's eyes turn hard.

"You're being deliberately dense."

"And you're being deliberately vague."

"What part of 'you shouldn't stay' was vague, Ichigo?"

He sits up in the bed. "Are you trying to tell me to _leave?_ Because that's worked out so well for us in the past." He snorts, and makes to pull her closer to him. She swats his hand away, at the air between them cools rapidly. "Rukia, what—"

"What are we doing, Ichigo?" she asks him, and there's nothing soft or hesitant about the question. "Really, what are we doing?"

Ichigo stares at her stupidly for a while before answering. "Fucking?" he suggests, gesturing to the bed in disarray around them.

"We're married to different people."

"Has it stopped us before?"

"It should have." She gets up, and he doesn't try to stop her. She starts gathering the clothes that have been thrown all around the room in their haste. "Does it occur to you that what we're doing is really, egregiously _wrong—"_

"Do you think I got into this without realising that?" She starts pulling her underwear on, and he grabs her by the shoulder, turns her around roughly. "What's gotten into you—"

Rukia smiles, dangerous and thin. "Oh, I don't know. A sense of morality—"

 _"_ _Fuck_ you—"

"Not anymore," she replies, and that's that; Ichigo drops his hand from her shoulder.

"Rukia, what—" he whispers, and all of a sudden he's fifteen again and seeing her being taken from him, lying in a pool of his own blood and rain, helpless to stop her. "Why—"

She pulls her dress over her head, smooths it out; her back is to him, so he can't see her expression.

"I just," she breathes, "can't stay any more, that's all."

 _"_ _Rukia—"_

"Ichigo." When she looks back at him, her expression is soft. "Goodbye."

He lunges for her, but she's gone.

* * *

 _"_ _You don't have to stay, you know."_

 _She freezes, her spoon halfway to her mouth. "Hmm?"_

 _Renji scratches his head. "I— fuck, Rukia, how do I even bring this up? Look, this— us. This thing that we're doing. It's clearly not working, and you don't have to—"_

 _Panic rises in her throat and blots out the rest of his words. "Renji, what are you saying? Why are you saying this—"_

 _He looks at her evenly. "Did you think I wouldn't know?" is all he says._

 _The shame and guilt she always manages to keep at bay crashes over her; the room spins and the next thing she's aware of is Renji's arms around hers, keeping her upright. "Rukia. Rukia! You alright?"_

 _"_ _Fine," she says faintly, before grasping onto the threads of their previous conversation. "Renji, I'm sorry, I'm sorry—"_

 _He sighs, long and deep. "Look, I didn't bring this up for an apology. I just— I want you to know you have the option, ok? I don't want you to— to feel tied to me or anything—"_

 _He doesn't understand. Rukia wants to cry as she remembers a sibilant voice, telling her and Ichigo that their loved ones will pay for any scrap of happiness they manage to find together. She can't leave Renji, and Ichigo can't leave Orihime, because if there's nothing tying them down to this life then they won't be able to stop themselves. They've been toeing the line as it is, dangerous moments of pleasure snatched in each other's arms— that will have to stop today. How could they have been so stupid—_

 _"_ _No, no, Renji I'm so sorry, I promise, it won't happen again, I'm sorry—"_

 _She's almost hysterical in his arms, and Renji can tell; he just holds her, letting her get it out of her system, before he asks her a single, pertinent question:_

 _"_ _Why?"_

 _She swallows the sobs rising in her throat and casts about for an excuse he will accept. She settles on a half-truth: "I don't want to do this to Ichika."_

 _Renji bows his head; he could respect that. He loves his daughter more than anything else on the earth, and Rukia knows she's using that. But she's already using him anyway, been using him as a restraint on herself for the past ten years; what's one more deception added to the mix?_

 _"_ _Alright," he breathes, and places a hand on her head, "alright, Rukia, we'll try this one more time."_

 _One more time, he said; she can't fuck this up any more._

 _This ends tonight._

* * *

When Ichigo makes it back to his house, all the lights are off; he only senses one presence, his wife, sitting in the kitchen. He wonders briefly, detached, where his son is, before he remembers he's off with Ichika at Tatsuki's tonight. He walks past Orihime on his way to the bedroom, and her soft voice stops him in his tracks.

"You don't have to stay, you know, Ichigo," she says, and he turns to her slowly.

"What do you mean?" he asks, but he's not curious for the answer— not really. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to feel anything except in his memories again.

She smiles that soft, sad smile that she's worn for the entire ten years of their courtship. "I've known for a while now. Maybe even from the start. Ichigo— you know I love you, but— you don't have to stay. Not for me. Not anymore— I understand, ok? I get it. It… took me a while to come to terms with it, but I can— I can finally do it." There's something a touch lighter in her expression as she says the next few words, but all Ichigo can feel is a heavy sinking feeling pulling his bones down to the earth. "I can finally let you go."

He laughs. He can't help it; he laughs out loud, shattering the silence permeating the little clinic. He laughs so long he thinks he might have verged over into crying, doubled over with his hands on his knees, tears in his eyes. He wheezes for breath, Yhwach's words and Rukia's ringing in his ears: everyone will pay dearly for your happiness. Ichigo, _goodbye._ Orihime watches him, at first nonplussed, then something in her gaze edging over into fear, and still he laughs, sinking lower and lower till he's on his hands and knees on the floor. When she finally breaks and asks him, _what's wrong, Ichigo, what's the matter,_ he looks straight at her and says—

"No, Orihime. I _do_ have to stay."


End file.
